9/11 Anniversary Observation
A New Approach to 9/11
On 9/11, I was a doctoral candidate at Harvard Divinity School and I had just returned from doing fieldwork in Japan. I was studying the rites known as hōji, memorial customs that the Japanese have observed for centuries. I had come to know of them through my life in Japan where I spent the decade of the '80s. After giving birth to my son there in 1985, I found myself thinking about my mother’s still-born sister. My neighbor helped me set up a little altar space in my home to observe these rites for 100 days as a way of putting my mind to rest about our family’s having never been able to properly grief that little girl. I was struck by how it was the most satisfying experience I’d had of prayer to-date—and I was a preacher’s daughter! As if something—a big gash on the horizontal plane-- had gotten filled in.
As I watched the Twin Towers erupt in flame, I had two thoughts: “This means war”; and, “if only we could, as a nation, undertake the rituals that the Japanese observe, perhaps it wouldn’t have to mean war.” By that time, I was well-versed in the literature on bereavement, and two studies in particular stood out: one by the German psychoanalytic couple, Alexander and Marguerite Mitscherlich, of post-WWII Germany, which they called, “The Inability to Mourn.” Another was by an anthropologist of the Philippines, Renato Rosaldo, entitled, “Grief and the Headhunter’s Rage.” Both are classic studies in the field. The Mitscherlich conclusion was that manic economic activity in Germany (remember dumping in the ‘60s?) was a symptom of Germany’s inability to process their losses, including loss of the ideals represented in the Fuhrer. Rosaldo’s study warned of the displacement of anger onto unsuspecting peoples when proper channels of bereavement are not provided. Taken together, these studies mandate an exploration of the potential of these rites to assuage our grief both as individuals and as a nation.
Comparative studies of Japanese and American widows demonstrate, perhaps a bit counter-intuitively, that Japanese widows are more resilient than their American counterparts. And we’ve recently witnessed how composed and civilly the Japanese responded to the disastrous effects of the tsunami there in the spring. These rites are at the center of the collective cultivating of cooperation, compassion and care. I commend them to our consideration.
As a primer in these traditions, you can begin by generating a calendar of ritual events. Go to your “MyRiteSource” page and scroll all the way to the bottom of the page, or look under the “Resources” tab for the “Ritual Calendar” and then simply type in the date of death of your deceased loved one(s). We will generate a calendar of sporadic ritual occasions that you can use to call together, or gather here on The Rite Source website through a group you can establish for the purpose of collectively mourning. We supply a free, downloadable set of ritual instructions for you to use in a private, individual memorial rite that can be adapted to use for public occasions. For further refinements and elaborations on the initial instructions, you can find other sets of ritual instructions on our resources page.
And feel free to contact us for individual, group and family consultations on the use and adaptation of the rites or for any other questions you might have.
In ancient China, it was considered the ruler’s job to conduct these rituals. They were “spiritual” but not “religious” in today’s common parlance. But the people believed strongly that the ruler’s ability to perform these rites helped to establish the legitimacy of his rule. What if we tried these ritual means before going to war? At the very least, we should be conducting these rites in lieu of going shopping.
On 9/11, I was a doctoral candidate at Harvard Divinity School and I had just returned from doing fieldwork in Japan. I was studying the rites known as hōji, memorial customs that the Japanese have observed for centuries. I had come to know of them through my life in Japan where I spent the decade of the '80s. After giving birth to my son there in 1985, I found myself thinking about my mother’s still-born sister. My neighbor helped me set up a little altar space in my home to observe these rites for 100 days as a way of putting my mind to rest about our family’s having never been able to properly grief that little girl. I was struck by how it was the most satisfying experience I’d had of prayer to-date—and I was a preacher’s daughter! As if something—a big gash on the horizontal plane-- had gotten filled in.
As I watched the Twin Towers erupt in flame, I had two thoughts: “This means war”; and, “if only we could, as a nation, undertake the rituals that the Japanese observe, perhaps it wouldn’t have to mean war.” By that time, I was well-versed in the literature on bereavement, and two studies in particular stood out: one by the German psychoanalytic couple, Alexander and Marguerite Mitscherlich, of post-WWII Germany, which they called, “The Inability to Mourn.” Another was by an anthropologist of the Philippines, Renato Rosaldo, entitled, “Grief and the Headhunter’s Rage.” Both are classic studies in the field. The Mitscherlich conclusion was that manic economic activity in Germany (remember dumping in the ‘60s?) was a symptom of Germany’s inability to process their losses, including loss of the ideals represented in the Fuhrer. Rosaldo’s study warned of the displacement of anger onto unsuspecting peoples when proper channels of bereavement are not provided. Taken together, these studies mandate an exploration of the potential of these rites to assuage our grief both as individuals and as a nation.
Comparative studies of Japanese and American widows demonstrate, perhaps a bit counter-intuitively, that Japanese widows are more resilient than their American counterparts. And we’ve recently witnessed how composed and civilly the Japanese responded to the disastrous effects of the tsunami there in the spring. These rites are at the center of the collective cultivating of cooperation, compassion and care. I commend them to our consideration.
As a primer in these traditions, you can begin by generating a calendar of ritual events. Go to your “MyRiteSource” page and scroll all the way to the bottom of the page, or look under the “Resources” tab for the “Ritual Calendar” and then simply type in the date of death of your deceased loved one(s). We will generate a calendar of sporadic ritual occasions that you can use to call together, or gather here on The Rite Source website through a group you can establish for the purpose of collectively mourning. We supply a free, downloadable set of ritual instructions for you to use in a private, individual memorial rite that can be adapted to use for public occasions. For further refinements and elaborations on the initial instructions, you can find other sets of ritual instructions on our resources page.
And feel free to contact us for individual, group and family consultations on the use and adaptation of the rites or for any other questions you might have.
In ancient China, it was considered the ruler’s job to conduct these rituals. They were “spiritual” but not “religious” in today’s common parlance. But the people believed strongly that the ruler’s ability to perform these rites helped to establish the legitimacy of his rule. What if we tried these ritual means before going to war? At the very least, we should be conducting these rites in lieu of going shopping.
Recent Discussions
Why Join The Rite Source:
As a member of The Rite Source community, you will be able to:
As a group member, you will be able to:
Join now!
- Create groups to mourn your loved ones who have died;
- Participate in discussions on topics related to mourning and spiritual direction;
- Listen in on and participate in conversations among bereavement researchers and bereavement facilitators;
- Contribute to the growing body of research on and refinement of adapting Japanese memorial customs for use in the U.S.
- Improve our collective capacity for conversation on deep or difficult topics;
- Grow in understanding of Asian culture and traditions on personal, interpersonal and philosophical levels
As a group member, you will be able to:
- Create a calendar of memorial events to structure your grieving process and gather social support;
- Invite others to observe the memorial occasions regardless of physical proximity or mobility;
- Enhance your emotional experience of grieving by becoming aware of the perceptions and perspectives of others through reflecting together;
- Cultivate a capacity for compassion, care and civility in your individual life and in your interpersonal relationships and in our nation;
- Store an archive of material related to the life of the deceased for you and future generations to refer to as part of your collective history and memory.
Join now!